Monday, December 24th 2004

Today is our last day in Chicago, it was always my parents plan to spend the beginning part of break here in Chicago and then to go back home so we could spend Christmas as a family in our home. Zach is lying next to me right now like I had hoped; I don’t even remember him climbing into the bed. I have to make sure that we get the tickets for Zach to visit me in a few days before I go today; I want to know all the details so I can be prepared and so I can tell Trish. Our flight leaves tonight at 7:30pm and I should be back in Florida by 10 tonight, so that way Trish can come over and I can tell her everything! We are doing a final family lunch today and exchanging presents with my cousins. I haven’t had the chance to get Zach anything yet since we have pretty much been together every moment possible. So we will have to exchange presents when he comes to visit. I want Zach to spend New Years Eve for sure with me and my friends so I think that he should come to visit the day after Christmas, I know its short notice for plane tickets but its not like his family is poor, maybe it could even be his present? Hmm that’s a good idea I should talk to my parents about before he actually wakes up. I’m going to miss Jenna and Caitlin, I would love if they would come visit too but I know the alone time that I want with Zach would be completely gone if they came this week too. So I’m going to see if they will visit me over spring break, and I can take them to concerts and show them as good of a time as they showed me. Ok so now I’m seriously going to go downstairs and talk to my parents about the getting Zach a plane ticket as a present.

Til Tomorrow,

Tyler McKenzie



December 25th 2004,

Merry Christmas! We’re home, yup back in Florida. The plane ride was good and it was hard, so fucking hard to leave. I went downstairs and talked to my parents about having Zach come as a Christmas present and they thought it was a good idea but that I would have to help pay for ½ of the ticket. So I agreed. Zach woke up about an hour after I left the bed and told me if I wanted he would come over later but I had to get home since it was Christmas Eve, so I told him that I had to see him before he went home and that he should come for lunch at 1. He said he could do that and he would be back around 1ish then, and that he had a present for me, I smile and told him I had one for him too. We kissed and he left. From that point of the day forward I was on Jenna’s computer attempting to find a plane ticket to get Zach from Chicago to Florida for under 1000$! I played on a bunch of websites and eventually found a ticket round trip from December 27th 2004 – January 3rd 2005 for 230$ Zach will get into Orlando at 10:30am and will be leaving on the 3rd at 4:30pm. So that’s like a week. I’m glad there are two days between me getting home and Zach coming it will allow me to get everything situated. After I got a ticket I printed out the receipt and put it into an envelope. The whole family was downstairs eating and talking, it was about 1:15pm and Zach still wasn’t over, so I took Jenna’s phone and called him up, no answer, so I left a message. I went back into the kitchen and began making myself a sandwich when the doorbell rang. I dropped the butter knife and quickly made my way to the door, I opened it and of course there was Zach holding a wrapped box in his hand and smiling. Jenna and Caitlin were right behind me asking if the present was for them, in a mocking tone. He laughed and said that he did have presents for them but they would have to wait until tomorrow. They both started to laugh and said “OK Fine!” I took the present from his hands and gave him a quick kiss, Jenna and Caitlin began laughing again. I put the present on the couch as we got into the living room and told him we could open each others presents in a little bit but for now we have to eat with the rest of the family. Zach came into the kitchen and said hello to everyone and was greeted warmly. Everyone really has taken so well to Zach and I think that is one of the best things I could have hoped for. I mean I don’t know if this kind of warmth would be felt if they knew that when the doors locked and everyone is sleeping Zach is well not sleeping nor am I. But that’s beside the point and somewhere I’m still not ready to go yet. Baby steps, Baby steps. Lunch was more depressing then anything. I was happy to be with my whole family and my boyfriend but I was depressed that in a few hours we would be on the way back to the airport. I mean don’t get me wrong I couldn’t wait to see Trish but I finally had a chance to do something besides mope around and miss Dylan. I barely have even thought about him, since Zach, Dylan has become just an after thought. After lunch I told Zach that we should go open each others presents, he smiled and nodded and we made our way upstairs to the bedroom. Jenna and Caitlin came running up the stairs because they are just so nosey, but it was alright and Zach said that the present wasn’t something secretive and they could stay. I opened my present first, and it was so cute. Inside the box was a collage of items from the trip. The Academy Is… ticket stub, a hoodie from the concert, a frequent buyer card from his work, a cut up piece of his bathroom towel, pictures of us, and underneath it all a letter. He told me that I should read the letter when I was at home so that way it would remind me of him. I told him that I would read it the minute I was in my own bed tonight. He smile and I kissed him, it was such a cute present it was perfect. I told him my present well wasn’t as well thought out as his but I think it would make him happy. So I handed him the envelope. He opened it up and read what it was; all of a sudden he lunged at me, but in a good way. He started to kiss me and all the while tackled me to the floor. My cousins were cracking up and jumped on top of us. So it was Zach, Caitlin, and Jenna all laying on top of me laughing and beating me up. Zach couldn’t believe that I got him a ticket to see him and that he was going to use his Christmas money to visit me, but that this was perfect and he was so excited to spend New Years Eve with me, he said he wanted me to be the first boy he kissed in 2005. I told him I wanted him to be the only boy I kissed in 2005 and he started to smile. From downstairs my mom started yelling to me and my sister, she told us that we better make sure that everything was packed and ready to go, and that there wouldn’t be time for us to forget anything! So I told the jerks in my bedroom that they needed to help me pack. So we packed up the room and everything fit snuggly in my suitcase I put on the hoodie that Zach bought me and put his letter and the other presents into my carryon bag because I didn’t want anything to happen to them. For the next two hours we just sat around in Jenna and Caitlin’s rooms talking about the trip and how much fun we all had. My cousins were so sad that I was leaving and said how they wish I could just stay with them forever. I told them I wished the exact same thing, and that it defiantly won’t be the same being at home without them around all the time. My mom and Dad knocked on the bedroom door at around 4:30 and told me that it was about time to put my suitcase into the car and we were going to have to leave. Since we had to be at the airport 2 hrs before the plane took off. It all hit me in that moment that this was really over; that I wouldn’t be waking up the next day with Jenna and Caitlin on their computers talking to friends or with Zach lying next to me, or with my Aunt and Uncle around, it was so weird and I felt like part of me was beginning to disappear. My cousins told us they would give us a few minutes alone and would go help my parents pack the car and meet us downstairs. I nodded, they left, I began to tear up. Zach came over and put his arms over my shoulders and brought my head into his chest. I felt his hand reach and close the door and I began to sob. He started to whisper into my ear, ‘its ok honey, ill be there in two days and it will be even more amazing then the past week and a half.’ I tried to start taking deep breaths; I tried to catch myself, to stop the tears. He whispered, ‘the trick is to keep breathing.’ And I just held on tighter. He began to kiss the top of my head and tell me how much he would miss me. I looked up at him and gave him a kiss on the lips. I told him that I would read his letter when I got home I promised and that I would be waiting at the airport with Trish hours before he even got there. He kissed me back and told me he will be thinking of take offs and landings for the next two days. One more kiss before I had to go down the stairs, one more kissed marked the end of the vacation. I said goodbye to my cousins and aunt and uncle and gave Zach a final hug, the last touch before he was in Florida. We all got into the car and we took off to the airport. We were at the airport for about two hours before our plane took off but it felt like forever. The flight was smooth and I sat next to my sister and by the window so I didn’t have to worry about some random old person sitting next to me. I still have to unpack tomorrow but I’m tired and wanted to write in here before I read Zach’s letter. Like always I’ll attach his letter, I guess as always…

Til Tomorrow,

Tyler McKenzie

Dearest Tyler,
I’ve loved before; I’ve had moments of purity and clarity and moments of fatigue and famish. I’ve held hands, hugged, cuddled with others. But none of them meant anything to me; they were moments, moments in time like speed bumps there to slow down my life, there to keep me from speeding too quickly into something. Then you came around Tyler, if I said I wasn’t apprehensive before meeting you I would be a liar. I remember the first time I heard Caitlin talk about you, she was getting ready to buy the tickets to The Academy Is… show and she was so excited, she told me that we needed 4 tickets instead of just 3. I was so confused, it was always the three of us, Me, Caitlin and Jenna seeing The Academy Is… So why did we need a fourth ticket? I asked who else was coming and she started to get all flustered and weird on the phone. She told them that their cousin was coming into town and that she thought that he might be gay, and that he was so cute, and into the same kinds of music as they were, and that she thought that we might get along. I told her I wouldn’t believe that until I talked to Jenna about it. See me and Jenna have this relationship thing, we talk about boys the way that no one else can with me. I eventually got around to talking to Jenna and she couldn’t stop ranting and raving about you. So the apprehension began. I knew if you shared DNA with those two we would instantly click. Then you arrived, or should I say I arrived, outside the concert and you were beautiful. You were you. Then I started thinking about how Caitlin and Jenna were right you were amazing, but what if you weren’t gay. What if they were assuming wrong, but you proved differently you allowed me to open up to you, and you opened back up to me. I’ve had this theory, which I guess isn’t the best way to go about thinking but its what I used to believe; that in the end the only one who will ever be there for you… is yourself, Because in time everyone eventually lets you down. But that theory is wrong, you showed me how wrong that is, because I’m not afraid anymore. I’m not afraid of being hurt because I know that I have you there, you to love me, to catch me, to guide me. You are the road map and I’m the car, and I see that there are no speed bumps ahead. I’m not saying I don’t think we will ever let each other down because that isn’t feasible that isn’t realistic. But you know what, in the end we can let ourselves down, and even if we fight, or get mad, or annoyed I know that I love you more then I love myself, and I hope that you love as much back. Because then, my theory is proven completely wrong. I guess I’ve kinda always hoped I would be proved wrong, I just didn’t think it would be by a boy from Florida, who changed my life in two weeks. When you speak I can’t hear anything but your voice, when you touch me I can’t feel anything but your skin. I could drown in your words, and swim in your kiss. I know that we will only be apart for two days before I come to visit you in Florida, but know that I will be missing you as much as you will be missing me. I will miss you more then my heart can stand, and I honestly believe it we would have to be apart for more then two days, my heart would implode. I can not wait to see what your reality is about, as you have seen what I have to offer in mine. I hope that your friends accept me, that your friends accept us. There will be obstacles, fiery hoops that I’m sure I will have to jump through, but I have a fire retardant suit on and I’ve taken gymnastics classes, I’m ready, I’m ready for the hoops, I would swim a moat full of alligators if it was the only way to see you again. I guess I own Caitlin and Jenna a thank you for being right and for bringing us together. So, ‘Hold Your Head High Heavy Heart” because I will be there for you soon enough.

You are my moment of purity, my moments of solace, my clarity.

Amore,
Zachary.

"I am not worried - I am not overly concerned
With the status of my emotions
Oh, she says, were changing.
But were always changing
It does not bother me to say this isn’t love
Because if you don’t want to talk about it then it isn’t love" -

The Counting Crows

I gave a boy my phone number yesterday...

I was fucking terrfied i'm not the kinda person who does things like that, i can't even get the courage to hold someones hand

He was so cute, he works at Argo Tea so i guess if you're from chicago you need to scope it out

He probably wont call but thats ok cause at least i did it at least i made an effort

I am not worried... i am not overly concerned...

I was so scared did i state that?

I asked this nice lady who was sitting across from me what she would do if she was on the recieving end of the note

She was all about it, and told me she had lots of gay friends, and that she knew the boy was too.

I wish i got her phone number she was heavenly...

Friends kept pushing me to do this too, I could say Kate was the biggest proponent of this effort.

So Waiting Takes Place Now...

I have been insanely busy as of late.

I have to student teach in 2 weeks for a full week of sociology classes. I am freaking out, what can i teach a bunch of kids in the ghetto who have clear gender roles in their minds about acceptance of new gender roles. Male-Female-and those who trancend those boundries?

Well i'll do it and they will love it cause fuck its for a grade!

I have three concerts coming up in the next two weeks-- The Academy Is.. (x2) and then Electric Six <-who i am so fucking excited to see like i can't even explain it.

I saw Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins this week she was phenominal i loved the set...

I'm pulling for a counting crows reunion of sorts... lets hope they come back in 07 with the spice girls

Today is my anniversery with Missy (aka- Spoon) 6 Years <-fucking insane right?

I can't even get a bf but fuck i can keep a hag shit!

I bought a sidekick case and sunglasses from Coach this week. they are beautiful and they make me tingle a bit in my pants

Last week was Punchline/I Am The Avalanche which meant Fabi and Caitlin and those two bitches make me so happy...

Punchline slept over and someone smelled really fucking bad... me and Kate laughed for what felt like forever and it was amazing

In that moment i felt infinite... i swear

I've had the counting crows Anna Begins on loop all day today...

I think i Failed a test yesterday but everyone in class did horrible, as we waited for friends outside the class people kept coming out screaming vulgar words... when i walked out about 30 people were all in a circle and i yelled, "CAROL STEIN IS A FUCKING CUNT" everone started cracking up and explained that i should just wait and see how many people talk shit about our teacher as they walk out

Lets just say it really was everyone.

I dont know how to change photos on the live journal so its always gwen waiting for a simple thing...

But now she is pregnant so i guess that photo is no longer fitting

I'm going to start taking pictures of my life again, once i got sick of myspace i really stopped taking pictures but i miss the memories they provide...

So be prepared ok...


"It seems like I should say as long as this is love...
But it’s not all that easy so maybe I should just
Snap her up in a butterfly net-
Pin her down on a photograph album
I am not worried
I’ve done this sort of thing before
But then I start to think about the consequences"

So as can clearly be seen someone and i won't give out their identity has taken the oppertunity to use my livejournal to promote how amazing he or she is!

i wont deny it... he really is


but he is a cuntwad too...

i guess i did say you can go into my LJ whenever now, since i logged into it on his computer and he clearly saw my password.

today Fabi and Caitlin come to chicago

we are going to see punchline/i am the avalanche

i am excited for many many many reasons.

i was supposed to go to benito juarez today

i didnt but for real im going to start going cause you know its mandatory.

march has been fucking phenominal so far

thank god feb is over

we can start living real lives

and being happy again

and having 50 degree weather

<3

bla bla bla

ugh

thomas is the best

and that's a fact

yessir

So i should begin this by stating that me and missy are offically on a break.

sounds like im fighting with my girlfriend right?

so i guess that means dont bring it up to me and pretend that its not happening cause like everything it will work out in time it just needs to settle right now.

but this has gotten pretty bad she wanted her tickets to new york and stuff back in order to trade them to visit her other gay. right crazy i know

so its ok im so excited for NY for 3 reasons, CAITLIN, JENNA, FABI

yup those are them

i think the asian is coming and so is anus and maja but i dont know for sure

ive had a good and bad week.

i filled out my student teaching application, i passed my content area test, i have a high gpa and am almost done with uic

so those are good

i have shitloads of work to do for school still, i had to pay rent <-that makes me cry, and this whole missy + me situation.

also kate is having the worst week ever and i love that fucking girl. i know that we will become extremely close extremely fast she is very much on my level in life. and were kinda twins seperated before birth<3

i think i want to go on spring break, flordia might be the answer but i dont know for sure, so i guess if anyone has suggestions throw them out there? i want to visit anyone anywhere really just not chicago im sad here right now i need a change for a few minutes.

benito juarez academy had a stabbing two weeks ago... im white.. im next which is awesome right

i might get to student teach at highland park high school #2 school in illinois, thats amazing im so proud of me<- can i be proud of myself without sounding stupid?

thomas is about to come into the apartment so i better finish up on dinner.

text me kids ive had a weird week and i need love k... 312-593-0598 is the sidekick # use it

<3Jimmy**

even if you've done this before this site is for real...

you can get the apple 30GB video ipod for free,

sign up then have you're friends do it too...

http://www.4freebie.com/index.php?ref=7092354

go there and start

then sign up to open an ebay store, it’s a free 30day trial… open the store and then close it a few days later so it registers!

Once you do that refer some friends yourself, and get your free ipod<3

This will be the second time I’ve used a website like this and I promise the first time it worked<3

if you do it message me and will talk and ill say how much i love you:)

<3Jimmy**

I don't Ever Post but this was too amazing to pass by...

<3Jimmy**